CONGRATULATIONS!!!! To the New Orleans Saints………….

Oh what a very exciting week to be in New Orleans!!!  With The Saints winning the Superbowl yesterday and Fat Tuesday (also known as Mardi Gras) coming next week, February 16, 2010….You better believe it when they say and/or you hear “OH When The Saints Come Marchin In!!!!!” 

      Louisiana!!! The state that experienced a Category 5 Hurricane, Hurricane Katrina, in which was 1 of 5 of the deadliest in US history!!  The most severe loss of life and property damage occurred in New Orleans, which flooded as the levee system catastrophically failed in many cases hours after the storm had moved inland.  Eventually 80% of the city and large tracts of neighboring parishes became flooded and the floodwaters lingered for weeks.  At least 1,836 people lost their lives in the actual hurricane and in the subsequent floods making it the deadliest US hurricane since the 1928 Okeechobee hurricane.  So, happily excited and delighted could probably NOT EVEN describe the feelings and Joy going on in New Orleans right now!!! As people continue to try to rebuild their lives in New Orleans, it’s funny how tragedy occurs and music, sports, and hell….even an election can bring people together to show God is Good ALWAYS and Hope is ALWAYS PRESENT and ALIVE.  (Yup! that’s how significant I feel like the Saints winning the Superbowl is!!)

     There are alot of people who don’t know the traditions of Mardi Gras, the importance of New Orleans, Creole, and of course most importantly JAZZ!….and how it’s significant in Our History….Black History. 

     Mardi Gras is more than naked women receiving beads and drunken men falling down on Bourbon Street.  Mardi Gras is also known as Fat Tuesday, which will be celebrated this year on Tuesday, February 16, 2010. Although it started as a European tradition, it was made more popular within our History in the 1940’s when Louis Armstrong was named the Zulu King of the parades of Mardi Gras.  Fat Tuesday is the last day for Catholics to indulge (or overindulge)  before Ash Wednesday.  Ash Wednesday begins the sober weeks of fasting that come with Lent.  Whether we believe in the traditions of Mardi Gras or not, thanks to this tradition, it was one of the ways Jazz became more popular worldwide.  And Jazz is something we ALL should feel very proud to call our own, for JAZZ is Very Black and Very American!  In the coming weeks, we’ll tell ya just how important but for now we’ll sing a tune and give a shout out to the New Orleans Saints by saying a big ole happy CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

We are trav’ling in the footsteps

Of those who’ve gone before,

And we’ll all be reunited,

On a new and sunlit shore,

Oh, when the saints go marching in

Oh, when the saints go marching in

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the saints go marching in

And when the sun refuse to shine

And when the sun refuse to shine

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the sun refuse to shine

And when the moon turns red with blood

And when the moon turns red with blood

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the moon turns red with blood

Oh, when the trumpet sounds its call

Oh, when the trumpet sounds its call

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the trumpet sounds its call

Some say this world of trouble,

Is the only one we need,

But I’m waiting for that morning,

When the new world is revealed.

Oh When the new world is revealed

Oh When the new world is revealed

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the new world is revealed

Oh, when the saints go marching in

Oh, when the saints go marching in

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the saints go marching in

Exclusively for Blackparentmovement.com - Uplifting Our History ALL Year Round

 Soo…..we’re coming to the end of the first month of the New Year and all of you who made New Years resolutions, did you give it your all?  A fighting chance?  Your best efforts?  Or…did you do what everyone else does statistically and sort of just let it all fall to the wayside?  It’s true that most New Years resolutions we make are those things that we really should be working hard at all year round.  The following are some fitness tips for healthier living because frankly, we aren’t getting any younger and it really isn’t that difficult to Fit in Fitness….

Are you looking to lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, elevated cholesterol, colon and breast cancers while preventing weight gain and falls?  Exercise is the key!! The US Department of Health and Human Service quidelines allow for flexibility of time and type.  Talk with your healthcare provider before starting to exercise, and remember that some activity is better than nothing.  The HHS quidelines summarized below are not as onerous as you might think:

Children and Adolescents - One hour or more of moderate or vigorous aerobic activity a day, including very intense physical activity at least three days a week.  Moderate intensity aerobic activities include hiking, skateboarding, bicycle riding and brisk walking.  Vigorous aerobic activities include jumping rope, running and sports such as soccer, basketball and/or field hockey.  This age group should incorporate muscle-strengthing activites, such as rope climping, sit-ups, as well as bone-strengthening activities, such as running and skipping three times a week.

Adults - Adults gain major health benefits from two and one half hours a week of moderate intensity aerobic physical activity, or one hour and 15 minutes of vigorous activity.  Brisk walking, water aerobics, salsa/line dancing and gardening are examples of moderate intensity aerobic activities.  Vigorous intensity aerobic activities include running, swimming laps, and jumping rope. Aerobic activity should be performed in episodes of at least 10 minutes.  Muscle strengthening activities, such as weight training, sit-ups and carrying heavy loads should be incorporated two days a week.

Older Adults - If a chronic condition precludes following the adult guidelines, seniors should be as physically active as possible.  If they are at risk of falling, they should incorporate exercises that maintain or improve balance.

Women during pregnancy - Healthy women should get at least two and one half hours of moderate intensity aerobic activity a week during pregnancy and after delivery, preferably spread through the week.  Pregnant women who are highly active can continue to be so during pregnancy and after delivery, provided they remain healthy and discuss with their health care provider how and when activity should be adjusted.

Adults With Disabilities - Those who are able should get at least two and one half hours of moderate aerobic activity a week or one hour and 15 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity a week.  They should incorporate muscle-strengthening activities involving all major muscle groups two or more days a week.  When not able to meet these guidelines, they should engage in regular physical activity according to their abilities.

So, rather than focus on New Years resolutions at this point, how about just focusing on YOU.  YOU are the most important aspect of what is going on in YOUR LIFE… PERIOD.  Rather than Happy New Year…..How about we celebrate a NEW YOU?…A HAPPY NEW YOU!!!! STARTING……NOW!!!!!

  “I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.”

                                                 Xenocrates (396-314 BC)

The Truth About Domestic Violence

A Short Story

“No Woman, No Cry…” by Bob Marley is playing in the apartment above the girls.  They listen often to the goings on of their new neighbor settled just above them.  Who wouldn’t?  The girls moved from the suburbs to a small apartment in University City and the first exciting thing that happened was that their neighbor was a “flygirl” who had it going on!!  The 40 something year old had everything going for her…or it seemed.  She always had her gear and hair tight.  She was pretty and big boned, but walked as if on a catwalk when she walked down the street in her dress suits and stilettos!! The roomates would practice just below and imitate this woman who was 20 years their senior!  “One of these days,” they giggled, “we’ll practice with heels!!!”  This woman was fascinating to the young girls as they aspired to be as strong and sassy as her!!  They were no good when the woman actually spoke to them and they found out she was a lawyer, she was Haitian, and she was pregnant!!!  One of the girls, although born American, was Haitian!!  Comepletely drawn to her and the similarities, cause they too wanted to have careers and have families one day, AND of course…BE FLY!!!!

     Her husband, although seen very infrequently, was fine as hell and the girls always had a smile, a “Hello” and “Hey” for him.  At times the girls would hush each other or turn the radio or television down to hear the raucous just above them.  The sounds from above were more interesting and “TV can’t get that good,” they thought.  They never knew love could be THAT good!! Even at 20 something, they were too young to know lovemaking like that!!  As they listened, they giggled, but kept it their secret, cause frankly, listening to other people make love is kinda weird.

     When they were wildly and crazily making love, you’d hear their little poodle run back and forth like an earthquake was coming! “Poor puppy,” they thought, “he doesn’t know what in the hell is going on,” they laughed.  They thought it was pretty exciting to live in the city, live on the campus of an Ivy League and have such a role model living just above them.  They felt closer to the woman with each passing week and although she didn’t speak everytime…they took what they could from every encounter! It was all very exciting until…

     Wife:   “…Where the FVCK have YOU been all night?”  I’ve been calling you all night!!!  I even called your mother’s house and you weren’t there!!”

     Husband:   “Don’t worry about where the FVCK I’ve been B!tch….You’re not my fvckin mom and I was where I was at, God Damn….Mind your fvckin business!!”

     The girls gasp!!!  “Is he talking to our QUEEN like that?”  As they awaken and meet each other in the hallway of their tiny two bedroom apartment.  “He can’t do that!!!”  They thought.

     Husband:   “B!tch…back the fvck up and get the fvck outta my face!”  (cell phone rings)

     Wife:   “Who is that??”

     She reaches for the phone.  The girls hear a struggle and then things start getting knocked around.  The puppy tries to get involved and gets kicked by the man who doesn’t seem very “fine” anymore!!  They hear the puppy in one area of the apartment and then heard him land across the room with a thump and yelp.  The puppy is crying.  It’s wounded.  The couple cannot hear the yelping cause they are too busy fighting.

     One of the girls jump up, “I’m calling the cops!!”  The other roomate says no.  “It’s better that we mind our business.”

     “To hell with that.  Somebody is going to get hurt!!”  says the first girl.  “We can’t let them fight like that.”

     “They are grown!” says the roommate.  “Mind your bizzness, ya ‘ear!  It’s nobody’s bizzness but theirs…Besides they’ll know we called and we’ll look pretty damn stupid if she gets mad that we called,” she whispered to her roomate.

     Wife:   Get off my neck!!! I can’t breath… Get off of me. I can’t breath!

     Husband:   Shut the fvck up, B!tch!  I HATE you!! Just die!!

     The girls hear the woman hit the floor.  They hear her coughing.  She’s not okay.  They hear her trying to calm down to catch her breath….And then they hear the door to the bedroom slam!

BANG!!!!

They hear the apartment door slam!

BANG!!!

They hear the clumping of the footsteps of the husband who doesn’t seem so “fine” anymore.

They hear another slam.

BANG!!!!

That was the front door and then another

BANG!!!

His car door!!

     WOW!…He’s just going to leave her like that?  I thought he loved her?  For a moment everything is silent, except from where the roomates sit terrified but continue to listen just below.  They hear the puppy panting and wailing.   The puppy is hurt.  Tears well up in their eyes.  “Call the cops now?”  The one roommate says to the other.

     As they scurry around their apartment to find the phone, they hear something quite terrifying and nothing they’ve ever heard before.  Their QUEEN is crying!!!  It’s more of a wounded sound.  A howl.  The woman from the second floor is wounded but the cry sounds more like her heart is wounded more than her body!!  And what about the baby??  “This is terrible!”  they say to each other.

     The three women laid in their separate zones but had different versions of the events of the night going through their heads repeatedly.  Hours went by and they all were awaken by the front door of the house open and shut.  “He’s back!”  They all thought.

     “He’s going to get it now,” the two girls thought.

     Husband:   “Baby, I’m sorry I lost my temper.”

     Wife:   “That’s okay.”

“That’s it!!??  After all he has put us through?” said the one roommate.

“I guess that’s it!” says the other.  As they hear them make love like nothing ever happened.

(Big Sigh)….”I guess so….”

Stay home and/or SERVE today!!

It still amazes me that SO many United States companies still DO NOT respect and recognize Martin Luther King Jr.’s Day as a National Holiday, and give their employees PAID TIME OFF…or organize an internal Service Day…or do SOMETHING other than treat this Monday, like any other Monday.

Just wrong. Shameful, actually…

Only 28% of companies gave their employees off today…and this is down from the ALL-TIME PEAK (sigh) of a whopping 33% in 2007. “Our competitors, vendors, and clients are open, so we have to remain open as well.” is CRAP!!

If you have ever been denied BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS, or represent a group that has, stay home (if at all possible…we know people have bills) and/or SERVE. This includes:

• Blacks
• Jews
• Women
• Gays
• Hispanics/Latinos
• Chinese
• Cubans
• Kenyans
• and the list goes on and on and on and on and…

So, basically, unless youre a white male, you should be thanking people like MLK, GHANDI, MANDELA and paying it forward. In our current state of oblivion and self-induced denial, we dont feel (or choose to ignore) the penetrating effects of overt racism and arrested development…but our grandparents did. Our kinfolk did. Our tribesmen did. Our forefathers did. The millions before us that bled and died so that YOU can sit in front of your flat screen and watch HGTV all day!!

Enjoy…

 Soooo…The fitness center was mighty crowded today!!!! First Monday back after New Years and it seems that most of the nation has put Fitness as one of the TOP priorities for their New Years resolutions!  Over the Christmas Holiday, we retrieved some information from our peeps to take a poll as far as what were the most popular resolutions and some of them were very insightful while others chose to reply with, “actually, New Years resolutions are usually things we need to be doing throughout the year, regardless of whether it’s New Years or not”….The #1 resolution chosen by BPM was:

#1  Fit in Fitness

Our community, more than others,  are at higher risk for heart disease, stroke, Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, elevated cholesterol, and colon and breast cancers.  We have become more familiar with what causes some of these risk factors like diet, environmental, genetics, and lack of exercise.  As we become older, taking care of our bodies becomes more important because dog gone it…YES WE CAN and YES WE WILL do ALL the things we set our minds to do!!!  And as we know (and what we’ll later discuss) is that some activity is better than none.  Research has shown that for Adults, exercising at least three times a week decreases your risk for the previously mentioned diagnoses.

Other resolutions BPM members chose were:

#2   Get Out Of Debt

#3   Quit Smoking

#4   Lose Weight/Eat better

#5   Spend More Time With Family

#6   Enjoy Life More

#7   Quit Drinking

#8   Learn Something New

#9   Help Others

#10 Get Organized 

So there you have it. BlackParentMovement’s Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions!!  If yours didn’t make the list…what is it?  We’ll check in soon to see who stayed on course.  Good Luck to those who are trying to make lifestyle changes.  And for all who support BPM all year round…May You Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!!!

“Girl have a Merry Christmas! Already in Walmart. Getting nails done at 8 and hair at 1030!”  Good for you, I thought.  I still have a headache! I thought…and what time is it anyway? 6:59??? You CANNOT be serious texting me that early.  WTF!!! Ima lay back to sleep…another text? Huh? What the hell?  “Are you at work?”  (No…….I’m in bed). “Oh, did I wake you?” (No.) “Okay well….Have a very Merry Christmas and I miss you.  See you soon.  Next week, right?” (Yes…You as well.)

What is wrong with people.  I shimmied outta bed with my scrooge cape adorn and my “bah humbug” attitude and into the bathroom.  I might as well take my shower now while the boys are asleep.  Do it now while it’s quiet.  I got in and thoughts started racing through my head……”What the hell?….Never even called to ask once if the kids were gonna be okay for Christmas.  Child support has been fucked up for EVA and YOU fucking know that bullshit!!! DAMMIT!! I HATE YOUR ASS. I HOPE YOU F****….” There’s a knock at the door.  I notice I’ve combed my hair so vigorously from root to end, half of my hair is in the comb.

“What is it? Who is it?” I say.

“It’s me…” my son says.

“What do you want?  Mommy’s taking a shower.”

“Can I come in? I wanna say something.”

As I roll my eyes and curl my lips up to say “WTF!” he says again….”Can I?”

“Okay. Come on in.”

He comes in then says, “Mommy, I need to see your face.  I wanna say something.”  I pull the curtain back enough`for my face to be shown and he says “I love you Mommy, Merry Christmas!!!!”

The tension from my shoulders washes away and the pulsing in my head stops.  My heart sinks and my eyes well up. “Merry Christmas Baby!”

“Is today Christmas?” he says.  “No.  Tomorrow is Christmas, ” I respond.  “Oh okay,” he says.  You can tell from the look on his face that his little mind is thinking and there’s something else he needs to say.  “Tonight when I go to sleep, Santa Claus is coming?” “Yup!”, I say, “He comes tonight.”  He claps his little hands together and says, “Oh boy! And I was a good boy, Right Mommy?”  I’m thinking, sometimes this little boy is too much for me but he is soo serious.  “Yes you were baby.”  He’s looking at me and says, “I’m hungry.  What’s for breakfast Mom?”

Oh shoot.  We have a couple eggs, no meat, and a lil milk.  “What would you like?” I ask him.  “Whatever you want Mom.  Oh wait, I know.  Can we have cereal with a lotta lotta cereal and a little little milk?  “Wow,” I thought. Thank you Lord. Thank you Jesus. I can do that!  Mama can make that happen this morning! We’ve got tons of cereal and a little milk!  He scurries off to remind his brother that tonight Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.

Later, while sitting down eating a whole lotta lotta cereal with a little little milk, my son says, “I love Christmas.  Christmas is the best feeling in the whole wide world!”  My oldest son looks at my youngest and says,”oh stop it!  The only reason why you like Christmas is because of the toys.” 

“Nah uh! No it’s not. My heart feels happy…” I intervene and say, “That’s right baby.  You have the Christmas spirit.”  He says “Yup! Christmas is what I’m feeling all up in my heart.  My heart right here,” he puts his right hand over his heart and rubs in a circle, “feels really really good!”

I realize more and more that Christmas isn’t what I got or was unable to get for my kids or loved ones.  Christmas is a result of what joyful feeling I can bring to them.  By being present and attentive and “in the moment”.  More and more, especially for writing purposes, I realize the more I listen and pay attention to my children, the more I realize, “Hey I used to think just like you, lil buddy.”  And somewhere in there, deep inside, if I slow down a bit, and listen and be present in the moment, she’s still in there.  That lil girl I used to be, is still there!

I’ve learned today, to be present in the moment and grateful.  Don’t allow wounds of the past to fester.  Don’t allow hopes for the future to take over.  But just be present in the moment and enjoy what I have and be attentive and thankful for what’s going on this very moment.  Thankful for my health, thankful for my children, thankful that my friends thought enough of me to give ME a holla at 7 in the morning and dammit, thankful for my computer turning on cause it was close yall!!! Comcast has been blowin a sistah up!!! Had the audacity and immitigable gull to call me on Christmas Eve too!! “Yall can’t be serious!” (chuckle….just kidding.  They’ll get there’s really really soon;)

But in the meantime…Acting like Scrooge was soo 3 minutes and 37 seconds ago.  Have a VERY HAPPY and MERRY CHRISTMAS and SEE YALL in the NEW YEAR. 

 - And not to completely ruin your Christmas, however, just a few facts you may want to keep in mind….

   *There are more than 700 food kitchens and pantries in the area of Philadelphia.

   *These kitchens, for the most part, are volunteer operated with very limited resources.

   *65% of these kitchens did not have enough food to meet demands.

   *47% turned people away because they ran out of food.

   *Philadelphia has one of the highest child poverty rates in the United States with one out of 3 children living below the poverty line.

   *More than half of all children in the US will live in households that receive food stamps.

   *The mental and physical changes that accompany inadequate food intakes can have harmful effects on necessary brain development, productivity, family life, and physical and psychological health. 

The simple things in life like love (which brings food, cleanliness, and kindness) is really all children need to live happy, healthy, and hardy lives. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM BLACKPARENTMOVEMENT.COM

 ”But Mom, why do we have to go to THAT movie theater.  It’s always dirty and it smells like pee?” 

(mom) “Because THAT’S the only theater in our area that’s offering the movie every 30 minutes throughout the day.”

(son) And we’re Boys, we don’t want to see a movie about a dumb princess.

(mom) Boy, put your boots on.  It’s not about seeing a movie about a princess.  I’m curious to see if Disney and the rest of the United States believes us black folk can live happily ever after!!!  My hunch is not, but we’ll see.  There’s always some trickery when it comes to US.

Now put your Timbs on.  We’re going to the movies!!!!!

 (to be continued…)

(Upon our return from the movies…)

     Well, I thought I’d have my lips all twisted up, like, “mmm hmmm!  I knew they were gonna try to shuk and jive us in some shape or ignorant form” but on the contrary, it was really good.  It was a Grand Ole Treat to see that Disney recognized that one of the most valuable contributions in American History is Jazz and that it was born in New Orleans by US Black Folks.  You know, Jazz - the evolution of music in this country in which later produced the Blues, R&B, Rock and Roll, Pop and yes Hip Hop and Rap!! (But we’ll talk about that real soon).  The greatest, most American contribution to the Entire World, along with Baseball and the Constitution….Jazz!!!

     Disney always does a fine job with delivering different messages in its story lines.  There were messages of friendship, and eek!…Is it really worth kissing a million frogs to get to your Prince, Charlotte?  I mean that young lady sent a message to me that I’ll just keep being the blackest, juiciest, sweetest berry at the top of the tallest tree and wait for The Valiant One to come reach for me, rather than kiss a million frogs to get to a prince.  Really Charlotte?  My son got a real kick out of Charlotte stating, “What in the world is she doing?  She’s so silly.”  My son, at 6 could recognize how silly some women can get over men!  He said about one scene where she had a ball gown on that she looked like a “big, fluffy cupcake! And not one I’d want to eat!” (He’s really good with adjectives!) Hopefully little girls learn a valuable lesson in all that and hear the message loud and clear, “He may look like a prince, say he’s a prince, even dress like one - but that doesn’t make him one!!!” lol!

Also, the ultimate Disney Theme - the Age-old, Power of Love Theme.  The Frog turned out to be a prince because of his integrity, and not because of his riches!!! He was willing to do something for the person he loved by sacrificing his own desire!  My oldest son said, “I liked that, that was my favorite part of the movie.  It’s really hard to love someone, but I guess if you really love that person, you’d want to see them happy.  I couldn’t do that!”  I have a funny feeling that as he gets older, he just may!

     And finally, the most important message of all…in which Disney does a fine job in doing with all their movies and yes, it can happen for little black children too.  No matter, whether you’re a little boy from Philly, a little girl from New Orleans, or even a little firefly….

                When You Wish Upon A Star

                 Makes No Difference Who You Are

                 Anything Your Heart Desires Will Come To You…

Happy dreaming and may all your wishes come true! And how bout it, BPM, We Sure Can Live Happily Ever After!!

Oh and the Soundtrack was AWESOME. Of course, Lots o’ Jazz!!!!

**Thanks AB**

I think I’m a lil late on this one, but…good idea?

 http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/04/AR2009080403402.html?referrer=emailarticle

Let’s hear it!!

 (***FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY***)

Interview based on actual events.  Names and dates changed to serve HIPPA clause…

Interviewer (I): So, Ms Harris.  In your own words, what brought you into the hospital?  How can we help you today?

Ms. Harris (MH): I can’t do this anymore.

       - Ms. Harris appears with flat affect, swollen eyes, disheveled appearance, and has speckled bits of torn tissue on and around her nose from blowing her nose.  The interviewer pauses the interview to give the client time to speak.

(I): I understand from report, you have a 6week old baby boy.  Is this correct?

(MH): (she nods her head yes and begins to cry again).  I’m sorry.  This is really hard.  Yes…..(she pauses) I have a baby boy.  He’s beautiful.

(I):  Congratulations!  I also understand that you’re having trouble with keeping you and your beautiful son safe.  Is this correct?

(She continues to cry.  MH continues to look into her lap, avoiding eye contact).

(I):  Alot of mothers find it difficult to keep themselves and their babies safe, especially after having a baby.  I believe your decision in coming to us was heroic and a very smart decision. (The Interviewer offers her hand out to comfort her.  MH is reluctant at first to grab it, finally looks up, and is comforted by the sincerity of the people she has come to for help).  You being here shows you value yourself and your baby boy - your beautiful son - and you want to do the best you can for him.  Although this will be difficult, I am here to listen to you and help get you back to your son as quickly as possible.  What thoughts triggered your attempts to cut your babies neck?

(MH): He wouldn’t stop crying.  He kept crying and I couldn’t figure out how to make him stop.  His father left when he got frustrated with the noise and I wanted to leave too.  He took the car and I was stuck.

(I): Does this happen often?  What did you do in the past to cope when you were unable to soothe your son?

(MH): I usually lock myself in the bathroom and he eventually stops.  Tonight it got on my nerves so bad and I was soo pissed he left me by myself, I didn’t know what to do.  I think I blacked out because when I woke up, my son was lying next to me with a small scratch on his throat and I was bleeding from my arms.  I wrapped him up and took the bus here. I wanna see him.  I wanna leave and see him. Can I see him?

(I): Your son is in the Intensive Care Unit with minor injuries.  He is going to be okay.  He has a very small superficial cut under his ear lobe.  When we are done our interview, I will walk you to the ICU myself to visit him.

(MH): Okay….(patient is tearful but relieved)…..Thank you.

The Birth of a baby triggers so many emotions…from excitement, euphoria, joy, to fear and anxiety.  It can also lead to a very unexpected emotion….DEPRESSION.  It is seldom talked about, especially among our community.  It is also viewed as a weakness to have this phenomena, especially by men.  Estrogen levels during pregnancy rise so high, that during the pregnancy, women often times feel good.  After the birth, however, there is a natural drop in estrogen levels, and it is common to have some baby “blues” during the postpartum period.  More severe cases, however, can last for up to a year.  Postpartum depression isn’t a character flaw or a weakness.  Sometimes postpartum depression is simply part of giving birth.  If you have postpartum depression, prompt  treatment can help you manage your symptoms - and enjoy your baby.  Although the topic is very taboo amongst many of us….

Let’s Talk About It….

Postpartum Depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth.  Most of the symptoms are the same as in Major Depression.

***Postpartum Baby Blues - can last only a few days or weeks.  More than half of women may have depression for a short time after pregnancy.  Symptoms may include

      Mood swings

      Anxiety

      Sadness

      Irritability

      Crying

      Decreased Concentration

      Trouble Sleeping

***Postpartum Depression - is more intense and lasts longer than Baby Blues, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks.  This affects between 8-20% of women after pregnancy.  It is necessary to seek medical attention to treat postpartum depression.  Signs and symptoms include

      Loss of Appetite

      Insomnia

      Intense Irritability and Anger

      Overwhelming fatigue

      Loss of interest in sex

      Lack of joy in life

      Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy

      Severe mood swings

      Difficulty concentrating and thinking

      Feelings of worthlessness

      Difficulty bonding with the baby

      Withdrawal from family and friends

      Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

      Thoughts of death or suicide

 ***Postpartum Psychosis - These symptoms, although a rare condition, can occur within two weeks after the birth and are more severe.

      Confusion

      Hallucinations and delusions

      Paranoia

      Attempts to harm yourself or the baby

Who is a t Risk…..?

     *Under Age 20 years of age

     *Currently abuse alcohol, take illegal substances, or smoke (these are also serious medical health risks for the baby)

     *Did not plan the pregnancy or fdo not want the pregnancy

     *Had a mood or anxiety disorder prior to pregnancy, including depression with a previous pregnancy

     *Have something stressful happen to you during the pregnancy, including illness, death or illness of a loved one, a difficult or emergency delivery, premature delivery, or illness or abnormality in the baby

     *Have a close family member who has had depression or anxiety

     *Have a poor reltionship with your husband , boyfriend, or significant other or are unmarried

     *Have financial problems (low income, poor housing)

     *Have little support from family, friends, and a significant other

     *Previously attempted suicide

     *Received poor support from your parents in childhood

Treatment for depression after birth often includes medication, therapy, or a combination of both.  There are several types of antidepressant medications that may be given to breastfeeding mothers, including nortriptyline, paroxetine, and sertraline.  If you are thinking of harming yourself or your infant, seek immediate medical help.  If depression is diagnosed, you may need to be followed closely for at least 6 months.  As long as you’re interested in keeping you and your baby safe, and providing a healthy, happy life for the two of you, know that there are caring people who can help you achieve this goal.  Go to your family physician, Ob/Gyn, or the nearest emergency room of any hospital, and seek the appropriate help you need.

(Exclusively written for Blackparentmovement.com)

***Blackparentmovement.com - helping each other raise happy, healthy children***

  Yes…Come On Home, Tiger.  We watched when you won the Masters!!! Stood up and cheered with every milestone.  Understood when we witnessed your father pat you on the back with pride.  Cried with you when your father passed away….Even danced and sang along with Chris Rock’s silly ass when he wrote that song about the “Champagne Room” - Tiger Woods Yall! Tiger Woods Yall!!!  I say all that to say this….All this silly shit that folks are feedin on, Tiger, don’t worry.  We understand.  And “WE GOTCHU”! Just like Kanye…this too shall pass and before you know it, there will be happier days.  Grieving doesn’t go away quickly and certainly not in the year span our Psychiatric books give us.  I know for a fact that my best friend growing up doesn’t have a day that passes when she doesn’t think of her fallin too soon momma, Betty B. Just like Janet said in an interview a couple weeks ago, “There isn’t a day I wake up that I don’t think of my brother, Michael.” No matter if the person passed with a terminal illness or suddenly, when you experience the loss of someone who was very close to you - there is an emptiness left behind.  Bereavement stirs up a wide variety emotions which include anger, despair, sadness, guilt, shock, hostility, anxiety.….and sadly, never the same happiness that person offered when they were with us.  Soooo, I’m sure in Tiger’s case, we grieve and try to fill that void with happiness.  We do that most times with what feels good.  And according to how patient we are, how quickly we can fill these voids, the better.  No words, written or spoken, are powerful enough to erase grief.  But perhaps the kind words can help ease the sorrow.  It may also help to know that most people are able to weather this storm and find that healing occurs in time.

There are six ways to cope with grief.  The following are offered by Harvard Medical School.  My hunch is that if Earl Woods were still alive - and he lived past May 5, 2006….

* Tiger prolly wouldn’t have gotten married!

* Whores(I mean, women) prolly would not be coming out of the wood work claiming affairs for the last 2 years.

* Wifey prolly wouldn’t have been throwing golf clubs at our brother!

* Mom Woods prolly wouldn’t be staring at the television right now, lookin all crazy and throwing her hands up in the air saying, “WTF”!!!! (Oh hush, Asians cuss too….I think!)

* The ticket, prolly would have only been a result of a moving violation and not all this other BULLSHIT!!!!

So…I present to you Six Healthy Ways To Cope With Grief

EAT WELL. Try to eat healthy foods.  Avoid foods that supply mostly empty calories.  Drink plenty of fluids.  If you’ve lost your appetite, try simple comfort foods, such as soups, mashed potatoes with chicken or meatloaf, fruit and yogurt smoothies, puddings, pasta, or foods from your childhood or cultural background.  Eating small portions frequently may help too.  Take a multivitamin to cover any nutrients your diet isn’t currently supplying.

TAKE NECESSARY MEDICATIONS. Grief makes you more vulnerable to illness.  Keep taking your regular medicines.  Not everyone needs to take an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, but these drugs can be lifesaving for some people.  Talk with your doctor about this, if necessary.

GET THE SLEEP YOU NEED.  Grief is exhausting.  Nap if you need to.  Go to bed early if you can.  If you’re having trouble sleeping, try exercising more( but not too close to bedtime).  Avoid drinking beverages containing caffeine after 2pm and abstain from alcohol  for at least two hours before bedtime.  If this isn’t sufficiently helpful, talk with your doctor.

(Sometimes, taking medication for a limited amount of time to help you sleep can help you cope better during the day.)

TRY TO EXERCISE EVERY DAY.  A simple walk, a bike ride, yoga, or a harder workout can ease agitation, anger, and depression.  Exercise can serve as a distraction when you need a break from grief, or offer you time to meditate on your loss.  Make a date with a friend to walk a few days a week.  Whether you do so in silence or take this opportunity to pour out your feelings, the activity will benefit you both.

STOP RISKY BEHAVIOR. Dangerous coping strategies, such as drinking too much alcohol, abusing drugs, or engaging in impulsive or risky behvior, may blot out or numb pain temporarily.

      But they derail healthy grieving and can have other unwanted consequences.  Substituting safer behaviors when these impulses arise  - such as seeking solace with other caring people, praying, exercising, writing in a journal, or trying stress - relief techniques - will serve you better.

DELAY BIG DECISIONS.  Grief can cloud your thought processes, and if you make abrupt decisions, you may regret them later.  Many experts suggest waiting a year, if possible, before moving, changing jobs, clearing out keepsakes, and making other momentous decisions.

DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF EVERY DAY.  Ask “What would help me most today?”  The answer may vary from day to day and even from hour to hour.  If you need to cry, CRY.  If you need to retreat to a sanctuary, CREATE ONE.  If you need to connect with and commemorate your loved one, you can do so in many ways.  If you feel angry, EXPRESS IT.  If you feel guilty, EXPLORE IT.  If you need support from friends and family - a hug, a homecooked dinner, a night out, or just their presence in your home - tell someone.  If you need a break from grieving, allow yourself that.  If you’re afraid of the feelings you’re having, share them with a caring friend or family member, a support group of people treading the same path, or a mental health professional.

   When a loss is experienced, we may fall victim to alot of vices.  When we as humans go through bereavement and must do it publicly….it is not made any easier.  His ability to cope may take years!! And if my hunch is wrong altogether….Dammit Tiger, I tried.  Earl Woods is resting peacefully and still proud, I’m sure…And to Tiger, this too, aking kapatid na lalaki(Filipino for MY BROTHER), shall pass.

written exclusively for Blackparentmovement.com